Funerals - An Open Letter to Christians
Death is a horrible thing to have to deal with. Sooner or later though, unless Christ returns first, most of us are going to have to deal with the death of a friend or loved one. While we live in a culture that tends to deny and hide when issues of aging, illness, or death are raised, it is foolish to try and ignore the reality we all have to face. Frankly, if we were a little more mindful of death, I think our lives would be a lot different, perhaps a lot more meaningful.
But I digress.
When planning for the funeral of a friend or loved one, or when planning your own, if you are a Christian, there are some things that you should remember and think about. Communicating your wishes to others prior to your death - both verbally and in writing - will help ensure that your wishes are followed through on.
First of all, a sense of perspective is essential. This perspective is hopefully grown throughout the life of faith on your Christian walk. It includes a firm perspective on your own life as a part of the communion of Saints that is confessed in our cherished creeds, such as the Apostles Creed and the Nicene Creed. This perspective helps to fight against the exagerated emphasis placed upon our own life - both as we live it, and as others gather to remember it.
Those gathering for a funeral will undoubtedly be aware of the many fine attributes of the deceased - else they wouldn't be there. A service that does nothing but glorify the life of the deceased is horribly askew with our Christian perspective of history and salvation. Those gathering, while well aware of the deceased's many virtues, will also undoubtedly be aware of some of their shortcomings. We all have them. Nobody is perfect. A service that extolls the virtue of the deceased in too glowing terms becomes dishonest. It describes only half of the person. Yes, we are saints in Christ and destined for eternal fellowship after death. But we are also sinners. We are imperfect. While describing the shortcomings of the deceased is probably not what most people would expect or want to have happen at a funeral (though I have met a few exceptions!), remembering our simultaneous status as sinner and saint should help keep the glowing descriptions somewhat subdued.
Perspective as to the nature of death itself should is critical. Death is not the end. We have the hope of eternal life through faith in Christ Jesus. If this is the faith that the deceased confessed, this MUST be proclaimed loudly and clearly during the funeral. In fact, frankly, this is the most important message to be communicated. The life of the individual - as well as their death - should point always to Christ and away from themselves. In fulfillment of the Great Commission (Matthew 28), our goal as Christians is never to glorify ourselves, but to glorify our risen Lord and Savior.
Failure to proclaim the hope of Christianity in Jesus Christ leaves people in the grave. You can extoll the life of someone all you want. But if you don't preach the Gospel, and the implications of that Good News in life *and* death, then everyone in attendance remains at the tomb. There is no hope. Only memories of the past.
Remember that funerals are a wonderful opportunity to proclaim the Gospel, because people come vulnerable, open in a way they rarely ever are otherwise. The reality of death shakes them out of their routines, rocks the make-believe worlds we all build around ourselves, and stirs in people that desperate hope that the grave is not the end. The Gospel assures them of this, and more than a few people have been brought to faith by the Holy Spirit during a funeral service.
Every Christian can be an evangelist through their funeral. Please pray and consider this as the most important function of a funeral. People will reminisce and grieve no matter what. They will gather to celebrate someone's memory in many small and large ways. But they won't hear the Gospel unless you ensure that the minister or presider knows that this is the most important thing you want to hear from them on that day. If you don't demand it, there's no guarantee that it will happen.
Be proactive. Don't let an opportunity to speak in death about the most important thing in your life pass you by. You're only going to have one chance to do so.
Was reading through this old post because of some circumstances here...wondered what your practice/experience has been on funerals performed where the faith of the deceased or the family is not Christian? Do you perform such funerals? If so, under what conditions, if any? Further, is their distinctive content in your sermon at these occasions?
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Thanks, Paul, for the helpful post. Someone had contacted me recently because their 7-month daughter had suddenly and unexpectedly died. The mother is a Vietnamese Buddhist, so they had already had a Buddhist funeral. The father is an Australian agnostic. They wanted to do some kind of memorial in Hanoi.
Basically I explained to them what I am as a pastor and what I could uniquely bring to a memorial service (sharing from God's word; Christ-centered message). As I talked with them it became clear that the couple did not want the memorial to be overtly religious. However, what made it awkward was the man's mother, in from the UK, who is Christian and was concerned that nothing Christian was in the memorial. She lamented over her son's agnosticism and wanted to have prayers in there talking about heaven and that the baby was in a better place. IT WAS VERY AWKWARD since I knew that I had been asked there only to appease the grandmother.
In the end I suggested that it was not appropriate for me to help, since all they really wanted me for was to "MC" the event without anything religious. That does not work for me, and besides, they could get anyone to do that, perhaps someone who knew the child. I think the real issue in all this is what is going on between the son and his mother.
I offered to pray with them at the end, and was happy to have them say yes. The prayer was my lone chance to share the Gospel. I hope a seed was planted.
Anyways, thanks again for your helpful post. It solidified what I was thinking.
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I had a very similar conversation - and uncovered almost identical circumstances - just last week. Asking questions is important, and knowing who and what you are about is crucial. Not always comfortable, but crucial. All we do is cast seed - and when we are reminded of this fact with an actual barren field, it is a humbling experience. Thank God for your faithfulness, and we can pray that what was sowed will someday bear fruit!
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